Super Mario Galaxy 2 is the saviour

By Ben Salter

The Wii is dead. Okay, that might be a little harsh, but the reality is the Wii looks dreadful in terms of software. As we approach the weeks prior to E3, when the gaming industry dies for a little bit and there are next to no releases, it’s time to go back and play the gems we may have missed over the past few months. But wait! The Wii has nothing. The start of 2010 for Nintendo’s console has been as bare as I can remember. There’s been little to persuade new gamers to finally join the waggle revolution (old school pun intended) even with $100 knocked off the price.

We’ve only reviewed six Wii games in 2010. That’s not because we’re slack, it’s because there’s little else to review. Monster Hunter Tri is the 7th title worth our time (review coming) but it’s almost too little, too late. It was released in Japan 6 months ago, which in this day and age just isn’t acceptable. Yes, I know translation has to be taken into account but 6 months? Really?

Each week we’re inundated with PS3, Xbox 360 and PC news that blows our socks off. All three platforms have some seriously cool stuff on the horizon and it seems we can’t go more than a week or two without something new being announced. What does the Wii have? The Vitality Sensor. Yay. As a result the Nintendo of old almost feels lost to me. I feel abandoned, like the classic Big N games I grew up with will never see the light of day again. But just when all hope is lost Ninty goes and releases a Super Mario Galaxy 2 teaser. Last week we got Transmission 8, a trailer showing Luigi in full flight, and it was freakin’ awesome!

Nintendo has found a way to pull me back in by releasing a new Super Mario Galaxy 2 video every other day (the transmission trailers are all great). When they’re not doing that they’re releasing screens, promo-art, information about new power-ups and various other tidbits. Our Wii news section at MMGN is full of it. And now, as if it wasn’t tantalizing enough, review scores are starting to appear. I think I saw a glimpse of a 10/10, but I can’t be sure and don’t want to know. I try to play every game with as little influence from other publications as possible, but never have I wanted to go into a game with a clean slate more so than with Super Mario Galaxy 2.

The original Super Mario Galaxy was one of the most hyped games on Wii. It’s also one of the few games in history to actually live up to its unprecedented level of anticipation. It’s simple yet engaging story, coupled with deeply engrossing gameplay made it the must own game on Wii in 2007. Depending on your personal preference, to this day it remains the best game on the system (competition only from Metroid Prime 3: Corruption; although for God knows what reason some people are under the delusion SSBB and Mario Kart should be mentioned in the same breath of air).

Despite the Wii and even Mario’s ‘for kids’ stigma, even the most hardcore of gamers admits Super Mario Galaxy was a masterpiece. Many Nintendo fans consider it to be the true successor to Super Mario 64, after the somewhat disappointing Super Mario Sunshine; although, it was only disappointing by comparison and due to the Mario legacy. On its own merits it wasn’t half bad, but I digress. Back in ’07 we were also treated to Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. At that point in time it looked as though Nintendo was going to give their loyal fans some support. While the GameCube was defeated by the PS2 and Xbox, 22 million sales isn’t a complete failure. It’s my favourite console due to its strong catalogue of quality games, most of which were aimed at the Nintendo faithful. Galaxy and Prime 3 left us with some hope that Nintendo would still cater for that market, even though they had new friends in casual gamers. Unfortunately it didn’t really happen. Three years down the track, and New Super Mario Bros. is perhaps the only game in the same league from Nintendo and we’ve only had the occasionally decent third party release.

That’s why Super Mario Galaxy 2 is so important. At first I was flabbergasted that Nintendo would release a direct sequel Mario title in the same generation, but it needs to happen. Loyal Nintendo fans, true gamers and even new Nintendo owners need this. They need a game that’ll remind them of the quality from the SNES, N64 and GameCube eras. Times when that very 80s retro “Nintendo seal of quality” actually meant something.

If you own a Wii and aren’t considering getting Super Mario Galaxy 2 on day one (WTF is wrong with you?) we’ll have stacks of content in the lead up to its US May 23 and rumoured Australian June 10 release that’ll hopefully convince you otherwise. The original Galaxy didn’t sell all that well with Nintendo’s new casual and non-loyal fans, but I hope that’s not the case with its sequel. If nothing else it’s a chance to experience something different on the Wii. While it probably won’t be as groundbreaking as the first game, if it’s half as good it’ll be a game you’ll cherish from start to finish. A game that could just win Nintendo game of the year and one I hope to see dominate the sales charts.

COD, it’s no longer a game, it’s a freaking epidemic!

COD, eat, COD, sleep. Repeat.

By Ben Salter

”Period Pains?.. Try getting knifed in the back on COD!” This is one of thousands of groups to appear on Facebook about none other than the almighty COD. Call of Duty, including Modern Warfare, but more-so referring to the more recent Modern Warfare 2, has become an epidemic. No longer is it just a videogame, it’s a way of life. While the same can be said for games like WoW, COD is different. It isn’t played exclusively by dedicated gamers. Everyone knows what COD is.

COD is compulsory in a young man’s life. It seems that every male in their teens and twenties plays Modern Warfare 2. From the hardcore gamers, to the casuals, to siblings, relatives, friends, non-gamers and even the people who once ridiculed you for being a gamer. Yes, you’ll probably find the very people who called you a nerdburger for playing games in primary school are now addicted to COD. And to make things worse, if you’re a serious gamer, they’re probably better at it than you. Why? Because you play other games. I play heaps of games, all diverse and different to each other. As a result, I’m only just about to hit level 50 in Modern Warfare 2. At a party last week I talked to a couple of guys who’d probably spent a grand total of 10 minutes in their lives playing games before the Call of Duty phenomena, and to my surprise I found most of them were at least 2 times prestige.

Of course, most of these guys are playing on consoles. That said, a few that I spoke to were playing on PC - where the game is hated with a passion by serious gamers. Now, said gamers claim it’s all down to the lack of dedicated servers. I agree that this is annoying, but it’s no reason to completely boycott what is otherwise a decent game. As each day passes the PC gamers that boycotted MW2 are becoming increasing pleased with their decision. However, I believe this comes down to the COD epidemic. When a game becomes more than a game with the general public, outside of the gaming community, serious gamers must revolt. To an extent the same thing is happening in the console community. Battlefield: Bad Company 2 is a great game (albeit too many snipers for my liking), but I believe its fast take up is because COD is becoming too mainstream. Face it, you don’t non-gamers hanging out on your turf, and you especially don’t like them dominating. It’s one of the main reasons serious gamers love to hate the Wii. Sure, it’s got too much shovelware, but there are some gems that you won’t find on other consoles. A number of dedicated gamers are willing to overlook these because the Wii has become too mainstream for their liking.

COD, COD, COD, COD!

The outbreak of Facebook groups relating to COD says more about its status in society than anything else. I’d wager that almost everyone reading this article had joined, or seen their friends join, COD related groups. I’m perfectly aware that first person shooters are played by girls. Apparently close to half of Halo 3’s online players are female. I don’t have any problem with that, in fact I think it’s great, but COD is not in the same boat. According to my stats page, I’ve played 20 odd hours of Modern Warfare 2 online. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d never played with a single girl. The COD epidemic is overrun by men. It’s taken gaming back to the pre-Wii and PS2 days, when it was considered to be a boys thing. In saying that, it’s still had an affect on better looking half of society. Most of my female friends have joined a group along the lines of “If a guy texts you while he 's playing CoD, he really likes you”. They’re all very much aware of the power of COD, and no doubt are under the impression all we do is play Call of Duty. You know, like how all males think girls strip down to their underwear and have pillow fights in their spare time (it happens!).

I could go on for days. COD has become more than a game; it’s a social requirement. Serious gamers are, or will start, becoming increasingly threatened by their turf being taken by a bunch of cocky non-gamers. As such, I think more and more will look to rival titles such as Battlefield. However, the pull of COD will be too great. We’ll end up heading back there as its stranglehold over the universe continues. COD - it’s a freaking epidemic!

Top 5: Games That Made You Scream!

Compiled by Ben Salter

No, I’m not talking about games that were so bad you exploded in a fit of murderous rage (see Superman 64). I’m talking about games that were actually scary; games nobody in their right mind would want to play alone on a dark stormy night.

I’m sure there are heaps of others out there. Unfortunately, I don’t get to play as many PC games as I do console, so no doubt this is a relatively untapped medium for me. As such, post any of your scariest games below!

Top 5: Best Sitcoms

Compiled by Ben Salter

The sitcom is a fan favourite in mainstream television. In the early part of the 90s the sitcom was considered to be dying by many. Not long after critics were put in their place when some of the greatest sitcoms of all time emerged in the 90s and continued to do so into the 2000s. With so many to choose from, take a look at what we consider to be the top 5 sitcoms of all time.

Pirates, Atkinson & Accidents: Gaming’s Getting a Bad Rep

By Ben Salter

Gaming gets bad press in mainstream media. Take gaming media out of the equation, and you’ll be hard pressed to find something good written or broadcast about games anywhere.

Advertising for the likes of Wii Fit helps to remove the couch potato stigma, but overall the non-gaming community is being overloaded with bad press about videogames. Think about it: If you were a parent, with a very limited knowledge about games, what would you think about them? We hear that games, TV and Facebook are to blame for our kids getting fat. Fact of the matter is it’s much easier to blame these things than to admit you’re a bad parent. Then Michael Atkinson comes along, says something about games being the devil’s work, and all of a sudden the non-gaming community truly believes videogames should be outlawed.

Last month I said I was going to try and stop complaining about Mr. Atkinson. I think over 30 days without a word is pretty good, especially seeing how he made such an ass of himself ahead of the South Australian State election. If you didn’t read about it, next month South Aussies will be voting for the new and improved State Government. Mr. Atkinson thought it would be a good idea to ban anonymity ahead of that. He believed one gentlemen posting comments on news.com.au was an alias created by his enemies and decided everyone needed to post their full name and postcode when commenting or blogging on anything to do with the election. As it turned out the man did exist, and lived just 500 meters from Atkinson’s office. The public also didn’t take too kindly to him prohibiting free speech, in a sense, as it’s our right to post on the Internet using an avatar. Long story short he was forced to retract his laws, or at least ensure us they would not be enforced, and yet seems to have as many followers as ever. He continues to tell us that an R18+ rating for games is not required; this is the man the non-gaming community actually listens to and, even worse, trusts.

Australian pirate James Burt has contributed to the bad press this week by costing Nintendo millions when he pirated New Super Mario Bros. Wii in November last year. He’s since reached an out of court settlement to the tune of $1.5 million and given Australian gaming a bad name internationally. Not only does it look bad to the non-gamers here, it makes us look bad to the gaming communities overseas. Sure, this type of thing happens all the time, but New Super Mario Bros. Wii was one of the few games Australia received before any other region (at least on the Wii). Doesn’t look like that’ll happen again.

”VIDEO games could be influencing teenagers to drive recklessly, one of the country's top police officers has said.” That’s the sub-headline parents are reading with breakfast each morning. Apparently the youth of today are unable to distinguish between the real and the reset button on their PlayStation. Seeing how that’s the case, may as well start car jacking and throwing frag grenades at old ladies. It’s all the same, right officer?

Those are three major stories in the mainstream media in the past fortnight. Every one of them paints gaming in the worst possible light. I would love to see some good news, but chances are we’ll continue to hear about one kid playing too much COD and going on a rampage in the US, and then all of a sudden all first person shooters will be frowned upon once again.

Sunday Banter: Back to school sales & too many Facebook friends

By Ben Salter

Office Works’ back to school sale was in full flight this week, which no doubt triggered a serious warning bell in the minds of children everywhere. The summer of *insert name here* (George) is over, and the long year ahead, of carrying too many schoolbooks and writing obscenities all over your friend’s pencil case, has begun.

Kids either went back to school last week, or are hanging on for dear life to the little time they have left. The synchronised chanting of “I don’t wanna go to school” in contrast to parents screaming with joy is a beautiful thing. I think now’s a good time to tell you that most universities are no where near ready to return; The University of Adelaide doesn’t return, for the real semester, until March 1.

Anyone who has finished school will tell you it’s the best time of your life. It’s funny. When you’re young all you want to be is older, but once you’re grown up you crave the freedom of youth. I’m not going to lie to you children. Uni is better. Mainly because there’s a bar and you can make lunch last as long as you want and nobody will send you to the principle’s office. In saying that, spending 6 hours everyday doing minimal work, before year 12, with your mates isn’t exactly a bad way to pass the time; better than cleaning up after school children, I suspect.

It’s time to go stationary shopping (on a side note, why is this always so fun?), contact your books with Batman, and for mums everywhere to force their children into shoes one size too big. School is no longer out all summer.

On a slightly related, a professor has ruined everything, yet again. We have too many friends, particularly too many on Facebook. Robin Dunbar, professor of evolutionary anthropology at Oxford University, has come out and said that humans are only capable of remembering 150 meaningful relationships. After taking into account that the figure includes family members, all of a sudden it’s time to start firing some friends, and taking future applications very seriously.

“The interesting thing is that you can have 1500 friends (online) but when you actually look at traffic on sites, you see people maintain the same inner circle of around 150 people that we observe in the real world,” Professor Dunbar said.

A ‘meaningful relationship’ is someone that you contact at least once a year and care about, possibly ruling out bosses. You must also understand how they relate to other people in your social groups.

At the time of writing I have exactly 300 friends on Facebook. And no, I didn’t just happen to have double the amount, check it for yourself if you have me as a friend. Of that approximately 275 are friends from school, uni, previous jobs and people I’ve generally met throughout my life that have decided to inter-stalk me. Around 5 are family members, of my own age as having older family on Facebook is a mistake, and the final 20 are from MyMedia. Now I have the tedious task of firing half my friends.

At first I thought 150 meaningful relationships was high. But after coming to the realisation that it includes family and colleagues, as well as friends you contact less than twice a year, it doesn’t sound like all that much. Heading back to the school scene, cherish your days having too many friends, even if you have a love/hate relationship with almost everyone, as is the norm in middle school. As a general observation it appears that as you get older your inner circle of friends gets smaller. A wise man, named Jerry Seinfeld, once said to me through a TV screen that it’s hard to make new friends when you’re an adult. When you’re a kid you can be friends with someone simply because they are there, and now when you’re a teenager you can be friends with someone because they added you on Facebook.

So, if you have 150 Facebook friends there is no need to add anymore, so long as you actually like these people. All of those people who think they’re “cool” by adding every suggested friend, and spamming their way to 800+, have got some big cuts to make. Oh, and happy back to school day everyone that isn’t going back to school; it’s always an exciting time for the rest of society. Condolences if you’re heading back and are still not convinced it’s actually not all that bad.

Is there room for the iPad?

By Ben Salter

Apple has finally announced one of the worst kept secrets in the industry, the iPad. For all the specs and promotional information check out their website. I'll start with a question: Anyone else not happy with that name? Apple are normally pretty good at this stuff, and "i" is a fashion statement in contemporary society, but it sounds like a technological breakthrough in womens' hygiene, rather than a portable media device. It's also too close to iPod in my opinion.

We’ve been waiting for Apple to announce a tablet Mac for months, but instead they’ve come up with the iPad; it's not really a Mac version of the tablet PC at all. Steve Jobs says it’s for the market that wants something between the Macbook and the iPhone. But does this audience really exist? First impressions suggest that the iPad is nothing more than an oversized iPod Touch. We can listen to music, watch videos, use the internet and check our email. All of these are features on the iTouch and iPhone. iBooks makes a little more sense, as the screen is actually big enough to realistically read an entire book. I like getting all of my news, and reading magazine-type articles on the Internet. I’m part of the so called digital revolution and the reason magazines and newspaper are beginning to struggle and slowly fade away. However, e-books have never interested me in the slightest. There’s something about a physical novel, the feel of the pages and the smell of a fresh book, that makes reading a quality story meaningful. It’s more exciting to read an actual book and you feel you’ve accomplished something when you’re finished. That feeling isn’t there on the completion of an e-book. Furthermore, is the iPad really going to save print publications? Tech-savvy consumers have forgone magazines in favour of the faster, cheaper, internet. Gaming publications have been hit the hardest, and I don't see gamers all of a sudden paying to read magazines on their iPad when they can get all of that information for free online.

This brings me to my biggest problem with the iPad. Why won’t it let us multitask? Rumour has it a future operating system will include support to use multiple apps at once, like iTunes while browsing the web, but why isn’t it included from the onset?

There’s also no camera, perhaps it’s a little too big for that so I’m willing to let it slide, but with the popularity of the iPhone as a camera for everyday use, it seems a little odd to leave it out. But where is flash?! It's hardly a modern media device if it doesn't support flash.

What about gaming? No doubt that’s what most of you here actually care about. It’s no secret that Apple has been lagging behind Microsoft for, well forever, in the games department on their Mac line-up. It’s steadily improving, but it’s never going to rival Windows as a gaming platform, at least, not in this decade. So, being the geniuses that they are, Apple decided to focus on the iPod Touch (and iPhone) of late in an attempt to rival the Nintendo DS as the king of the handheld realm. The fact of the matter is they’re never going to beat Nintendo at their own game. Nintendo has been in control of the handheld arena for many years now, and I doubt that’ll change any time soon. Taking that into consideration, the iPad seems destined to fail as a possible gaming device. Before the announcement we heard a lot more about the possibility of games than the device itself, but today we haven’t heard all the much in terms of new content. It appears to be an oversized iPod Touch with no genuine additional control methods and, besides the bigger screen, it doesn’t seem to be better suited to gaming.

Sure, it’ll be more powerful than the Nintendo DS or PSP, but is it really a portable system? It seems too big for that and yet too weak to compete against PCs, so maybe Apple truly has created something in the middle; something that does not yet have a rival. The thing is, do I really want one of these if I already have a computer (or console) and an iPod? Not really. It’s great that it’ll play iPod Touch games, but they were designed for a smaller screen. It’s not until iPad specific games are made that we’ll truly see its potential as a gaming platform. The touch and tilt controls certainly haven’t sold me yet. The DS is doing just fine, but it also has face buttons, and touch screen controls seem better suited to a smaller surface.

I can buy a Wii, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, iPod Touch, iPhone, Nintendo DS, or a PSP cheaper than the iPad. That, at this stage, is the real killer from a gaming perspective. If the iPad was meant to inject Apple as a serious contender in the gaming industry, it is along way from doing so.

Now’s probably a good time to tell you that I actually quite like Apple. But with my MacBook, iPod, phone and gaming consoles, I just don’t see the point in the iPad at this point in time. I’m going to hold off 6 months, when they come out and inevitably announce the cheaper, smaller, iPad Nano.

Happy Australia Day!

Happy Australia Day everyone!

Australia’s national day commemorates the arrival of the First Fleet at Sydney Cove in 1788.

Man your BBQs, grab a couple of cold ones, head down to the beach, watch the cricket or play in the backyard, head to the pub with some mates or do all of the above together! Most importantly remember to chuck some lamb on said BBQ; otherwise Sam Kekovich will come after you.

Tell us your plans for Australia day below, and feel free to wish everyone a happy (merry?) Australia Day!

Being a public holiday, jump on your gaming console of choice and get some MyMedia gaming sessions going! (We’ll make some threads if people are interested in gaming today, but by all means start them yourself for any game of your choosing).

E: Modern Warfare 2 on 360 from 1pm

Sunday Banter: Royalty’s among us

By Ben Salter

Prince Willy dropped by earlier this week for what seemed to be nothing more than a general chat and to remind us that he still exists.

We’ve all but decided that we don’t care for Charles and his horse-faced wife, so surely severing ties with the royal family once and for all is on the agenda when Elizabeth II, heaven forbid, passes away. However, William could change all that, should he pick off his dad and come to power quicker than expected.

He took the whole thing casually, and clearly tired to make a good impression, dressing fairly casually as you can see above, alongside our all so excited Prime Minister. The reason he may have slipped under the radar, despite trying to get his publicity minions on the job, is because he stayed here for a measly three days. The media did their best, and painted him with a halo above his head, but it was more of a pop in than a visit. What else does he have to do exactly that caused him to rush off home? Surely he could have at least made a week off it, or bypassed New Zealand – we don’t want people knowing they actually have a nice country.

He was here to become better acquainted with the country, and its people, but as far as I can tell he didn’t see much of either. He had a chinwag to our Governor-General Q (Quentin Bryce), sat next to K-Rudd for a bit, saw a traditional Aboriginal welcome somewhere in inner Sydney, and played cricket with David Hussey.

It’s not entirely his fault, he wouldn’t of had anything to do with planning his itinerary, but he didn’t exactly achieve his goal of becoming acquainted with the people. It’s like traveling around Europe, but only socialising with the jetlagged Australian couple you met in hotel’s bar on the first night. It’s Pointless. Not so much because he didn’t try; an old man got to shake his hand; a 20-something girl even got a kiss, but it’s hardly the mass audience that could have been achieved with a few more days in the country. Furthermore he needed to do some more professional royal waving. At prince school I assume they teach how to wave at a legion of followers, while giving the impression you know what you’re smiling about, along with which of your folks to use for peas.

Despite my distaste for his itinerary, and choice of social company, the good Prince actually made a fantastic impression on the Australian public during his brief visit; the public the realised he was here, that is. The people who did seem him, in the flesh, seemed almost infatuated with him. It wasn’t exactly the reaction I would of expected from a royal visit, since I’m sure they forget we exist half the time.

If Charles had come to power last week, we’d be calling for Australia to become a republic. Now, however, after a brief, non-eventful stopover from the second heir to the thrown, we’ve gone a little royalty mad, as we did back in the 50s when the Queen visited.

For the past 20 years, and consequently my entire lifetime, we’ve been shown Charles, the bumbling idiot that got himself caught up in an affair with an even stupider woman, as the heir to the thrown. We loved to hate him, but couldn’t bring ourselves to severe ties with the kind, elderly, Queen. With Charles at the helm it would have been easy, but now we’ve been shown William as the possible successor. Truth be told he’s probably an idiot as well, but the monarch really doesn’t do all the much, and he seems like a nice bloke, who may very well be the reason we stick around in the Monarch’s back pocket.

Does a “nice bloke” constitute a reason to hold off becoming a republic? No. It’s not appropriate for Australia in 2010 and, while I quite like the Queen, we shouldn’t be here discussing it now. Nevertheless Prince William has done a good enough job making himself look like the monarch (to be) we’ve been waiting for. It seems to me that Australians take kindly to any overseas visitor that can be written about in the celebrity section. We loved Tiger when he visited, only to hate him when he left and had sex with everyone, but no doubt we’d take kindly should he visit again in the near future, because he’s an overseas celebrity. I hope the Prince’s status doesn’t influence our decision on whether he, and the English-monarch, should continue to have some power over us. What little it is, the fact remains it should be none. We should have broken up years ago, but we’d like to still be friends.

Sunday Banter: Complaining, it’s Our National Pastime

By Ben Salter

Before I start allow me to explain my first new concept for 2010. I spend a great deal of time writing about videogames every week, with the odd article about film or tech for good measure. However, there’s only so much one can ‘blog’ about these things before you rename the feature “this week on why I hate Michael Atkinson”. So, noticing that many of you like to discuss things in the real world in our forums I thought I’d start a (hopefully weekly) feature about general going-ons in the world, and the little things that stand out in my otherwise ordinary life. After all, it worked for Seinfeld. Leave some comments below about the idea, as well as this week’s topic, and if there’s a favourable reaction, and approval from the boss, it’ll become a regular thing.

Like every university student I do my best ‘thinking’ in bars on Saturday nights. It’s here where I, and my mates along with random strangers we end up conversing with, solve all of the world’s problems and figure out how to be successful where everyone else has failed. If you’ve surpassed 30 you’ll probably find that you do much the same thing down the pub on Friday nights. Unfortunately, come Sunday morning it’s all forgotten and I’m left with nothing more than the taste of stale cheeseburgers in my mouth wondering WTF happened to all my ingenious plans?

This week, however, I had a revelation while trying to convince everyone that I bought the last round. We’re a nation of complainers. While I have no doubt it extends well beyond Australia, I have not had the liberty of living overseas to confirm it exists in all cultures. I’ve always known that ‘old people’ complain; it’s what they do. When you don’t understand “facetube” or “youbook” and dress like it’s 1973, there’s not much else to do in these modern times other than complain. They’re the main culprits, the 60+ age group, but it extends further, and we all seem to have things that society grooms us to complain about.

Since the dawn of time, older generations have hated young people and everything they do. Every week we hear about “hoon P-platers”. It’s the big one when they’ve forgotten to take their medication and can’t remember anything else. An article published on news.com.au yesterday, said over 40% of people surveyed, aged over 55, want the driving age for L-plates not only raised, but pushed up to 21. Not only is that a ludicrous, impractical, suggestion it’s the perfect example of how they forget that they were no different to the youth of today. “Things are different today,” they say, and they’d be correct. The same survey found that a majority of retirement age drivers would fail their Ls test if they took it today. They don’t seem to bother trying to argue against that, because they don’t really care. I have a sneaking suspicion that they don’t give a rat’s tossbag - old people lingo you see - about young drivers. Simply, it’s the easiest thing to complain about, along with technology ruining everything. The retired community spend their days writing letters to the editor, and calling talkback radio to nitpick everything they consider to be wrong with the youth of today. Oh, and how global warming is myth, their bewilderment at FM radio, and to gloat that their garden is better than yours.

Those in the 30-55 age group don’t have a particular target, but they too troll the newspapers for things to whinge about at the water cooler. While they too dislike the damn kids of today, they are none too pleased with the old folk and their equally bad driving. The only thing the young-middle aged bracket constantly finds flaws in is politicians. I think we all agree we’d be better off being led by a magic 8-ball, but if said 8-ball did come to power this age group would lose most of their material. And that’s why we need the government as it is, any changes to actually make the system better would destroy our favourite pastime.

Finally the impressionable youth, who are apparently under the media’s control and all part of strange cults. University students are groomed to question the whole rotten system, but have the least power to actually do anything about it. It’s probably best to make the under 25 population powerless, as even the “science people”, the ones who apparently haven’t taken the easy way out (I’m not overly impressed with Science either, but that’s for another day), spend their time looking at shiny rocks, listing to music that’s too loud and trying to fund their many drunken antics. Facebook is the new talkback radio. Instead of calling in, and complaining that our roses are slightly off colour, we join Facebook groups the represent our opinions on important and medial matters. It’s speed complaining. Seeing as we don’t have time to call David Abraham on ABC radio every 5 minutes it’s the perfect substitute. The group “KEVIN RUDD = EPIC FAIL” represents political views, while “People who flash there lights to let you know there's a speed camera” shows our approval for the nice chaps who help us avoid the fuzz, and confirms our discontent for the ridiculous number of speed cameras.

Never fear, as I have a plan. Give retirees speed cameras, so they can feel like they’re stopping these hoon youths with their superchargers and bangin’ tunes. In actual fact the technology will bamboozle them and they’ll probably spend all night monitoring the speed of a their thumb, but they don’t need to know that. This means more cops can be sent into CBDs on Saturday nights and middle-aged people will feel safer and that taxpayer money is finally going somewhere useful. Then young people can continue to have drunken fun, as once the sun has set they don’t really care about anything. Problem solved.

I was going to end with something witty, as to why we should complain less, but then I realised it’s the wrong way to go about. I myself am complaining about everyone’s extreme levels of whinging. The fact is without complaints, what else would we talk about over a pint on the weekend, and what would AM radio broadcast?